I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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