Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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