K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
