can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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