no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
