When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
