I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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