I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
