A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
