pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
