what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize