Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
