I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
