We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
