My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
