its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
