Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
