It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
