you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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