I'm lost and stupid without you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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