never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
