I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
