I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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