everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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