she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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