I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
