Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
