i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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