Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
