He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
