You really coming over, don't trick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize