even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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