Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
