You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
