Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
