I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize