my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
