It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
