Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Please, let me fuck your mom
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
