so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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