Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would ride that face into the sunset
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
