what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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