he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
