I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
