my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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