fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
