i was rollin on her like bob the builder
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
