I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The feeling are messing with the penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize