buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
