Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
how does that bad decision feel?
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