I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
