When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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