Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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