I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
