thus making me awesome and them whores
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
