Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
