Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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