What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
