my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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