She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
