girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
