Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize