I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize