just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
