I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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