I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
