i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
