My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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