$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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