very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
