her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
