3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
