I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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