he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
