I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
