You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Barsexuality is the new black.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
