He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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