WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i now understand why vodka
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
