if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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