i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and i looked up. we had an audience...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
