SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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